My Journey with Triplets: An Exhausted Mother’s Guide to Multiples

You’ll never forget the day you’re told you’re having triplets.  It was November 30, 2015, and I had made an appointment with my doctor to confirm my pregnancy.  She thought I was further along than I should be so she sent me over to the ultrasound technician to make sure that all the dates added up.  After about 10 minutes of laying in silence, I was expecting the worst.  

In 2009 I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and I learned from that experience that a quiet ultrasound tech can only mean heartbreak.  She finally spoke and my head was immediately spinning.  It was news I was definitely NOT expecting -- triplets!  I never knew that having triplets was even a possibility for me... until it was.

According to the CDC, there were 4,123 triplet births in the United States in 2015. Much of this is attributed to fertility treatments and/or advanced maternal age.  For me at age 35, it was the latter of the two.  I went home and before I could tell my husband the news I began to cry.  I didn’t know what else to do or how to even handle the news I had just received.   I thought to myself, who goes from a family of four to a family of seven in just a few short months?  I had so many thoughts racing through my mind.  We had only planned for one more child -- our third and our last.  We had many discussions about trying for the third.  We went back and forth for a while until we decided to just go for it.  Little did we know what was in store for us.  But more than anything, the question that continued to plague my thoughts was how will my five-year-old son and three-year-old daughter cope with not only having one more sibling - but three?  Will there be enough time and enough love for all FIVE children?  My husband was literally speechless when I told him.  I guess that’s a given.  This was a lot to take in for a guy who was the sole breadwinner.  I showed him the ultrasound pictures.  There were three tiny circular images and it somehow resembled a happy face.  We immediately called and sent messages out to our families who all replied in disbelief!   

I was pregnant for 35 weeks and my pregnancy was pretty uneventful, which was a really good thing.  We went to a lot of doctor’s appointments - A LOT!  In those months I was under lots of stress, I suffered from anxiety and I was really sad.  I really tried to mask my sadness.  I’m naturally a happy person and I didn’t want my stress and anxiety to get in the way of enjoying my two kids and having our last moments of time with them before the triplets arrived.  Not to mention we had a lot to prepare for - the arrival of three infants!  If I had to give some advice to parents expecting multiples, it would be to talk to other people who are in the same situation.  We were stopped at Costco one time by a couple when they noticed the size of my stomach.  The woman instantly knew I was carrying multiples.  It was kind of hard to miss.  She had triplets herself but they were now in their teens.  Talking to these complete strangers in the middle of the store made me feel like I wasn’t alone.  I told myself, I could do this!  I knew that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and stressing out and just start embracing my pregnancy.  I was lucky to have three healthy growing babies in my belly.  We were one in 4,123 triplet pregnancies.  We should have played the lottery while we were at it!!      

Now that the triplets are a year old and my husband and I, although exhausted and very run down, feel like we are getting somewhat back to normal.  In hindsight, there is a lot of things that helped us through this unexpected wild, roller-coaster ride.  Below are some advice and a few quick tips from my experience with triplets that may help someone in the same situation.  Obviously, everyone’s situation is different but perhaps a couple of my tips can help someone that is going through the same, whether it’s triples, twins or even one baby.

1. Mentally prepare yourself.  We knew what it was like to have two kids now we had to try to envision ourselves with three more.  Knowledge is power and knowing what to expect is your best defense.   Although as much as you prepare, life with children, especially newborns is unpredictable, so showing self-compassion to myself was key when it didn't go the way I expected.
2. Enlist the help of family and friends.  Not everyone can afford a night nanny or a babysitter round the clock, so ask trustworthy family and friends for a couple of hours of their time.  You’ll be surprised at how some people will jump at the opportunity to help you out with your children.  A strong network of family and friends is beneficial.
3. Constantly communicate with your partner!  This will avoid fights and ensuring you are always on the same page.  You are in this together and if you work together I think your bond will just keep getting deeper and stronger.
4. Do your research.  Did you know that not all SUV’s and minivans can accommodate three infant car seats?  Or if you buy a triple-infant stroller chance are it won’t fit in the trunk of your minivan or SUV.  We didn’t either.  We had to purchase two different cars in less than a year.
5. Prioritize - try to make the best of your free time, for example, nap time.  Make lists have a calendar and set reminders.  Try to do your best to multi-task.
6. Capitalize on family and friends’ hand-me-downs.  We were given everything from strollers (two double strollers but it helped in the beginning), pack n plays, and clothes.  It helped us get through those transitional periods and trying to find out what works best and at no cost.
7. Buy diapers and wipes while you are pregnant.  This will help you have a stash ready for when the babies arrive.  I didn’t have to buy diapers until the triplets were 10 months old.  Also, it will help avoid having to go out and get bulky diapers while trying to bring 3 infants and a giant stroller.
8. Synchronize everything.  I have learned that although it doesn’t always work out perfectly I have always tried to have the triplets eat, sleep and bathe all at the same time.  Even if you have to wake one up it will be to your benefit.   
9. Use a playpen when they start crawling and walking.  This has saved our life.  We needed to buy two to make it roomier for them, they really like the freedom.
10. Lastly, remember to smile.  They are only little for a short time.  You’ll cherish these memories once they are older.

While it’s still stressful and chaotic, and yes, we have made it past the first year, there is always more to learn.  It’s always helpful to talk to other people.  For example, try to find mom groups or talk to family and friends.  Also, the therapists at Clarity Clinic can help manage the stress, anxiety and the pressure that comes along with raising multiples and or even becoming new parents.  It’s a lot to handle and to take on -  do NOT try to do it alone; it's brave and courageous to ask for help!      

Christina Palas
Clarity Clinic